Today our chapter is about resolving conflicts in our relationships. So some of you are ready to tune out and run already. Very few of us like to even get remotely close to this area of life. We hate having to deal with issues with other people. So we just avoid it, or run from it, or ignore it. But conflict will happen. With every relationship we have, there will be a time when we don’t see eye to eye. Why? Because God created us as unique individuals with different perspectives on life and no one will always see it your way. I have told Nancy over and over that we would never have any issues if she just sees it my way. But that would lead to disaster because I will admit that some days I am just plain wrong. There is no other person on this earth that will always agree with you. If they say they do they are not really speaking their heart. It doesn’t happen so we need to address conflict. There are five ways people do that:
1. Rope a dope fighters – “no way” resolvers who avoid conflict at all costs
2. Knockout artists – who believe it is their way or the highway and fight until they win
3. Take-the-fall fighters – who throw in the towel early and always give in
4. One-two punchers – want a give and take solution that is 50/50
5. Sparring partner – who is committed to being a teammate and helping their partner
We have to learn to fight fair. It will happen and it usually boils down to communication. I can vividly recall when I have done some unfair fighting with my bride. Sometimes in the past I have pushed her so far she threw something at me and I confess I had it coming. The good news is she never has been that good throwing and she missed, but that should have been enough to wake this boy up that I was not really treating her the way I should. Of course, it was never my fault that we were fighting in the first place because she was just too slow in coming to my position. But God has taught me over the years that I was an idiot and should have been hit between the eyes with a big rock instead of dodging her shoe that was flying at me. The other bad thing I can recall is throwing out the “d” word when I was really fighting unfair. Using the word divorce is like throwing a grenade at your spouse. It is never appropriate in the heat of a battle and has to be off limits. That is like attacking below the belt and trying to control emotions. It will always backfire and never build up and lead to restoration. The reality is that most fights are not a matter of right and wrong but a willingness to humbly accept the fact that you are less than perfect. We need to get past that and realize we are not nearly as perfect as we want to believe and seek forgiveness and reconciliation. That is what God calls us to do. Not just at home either – but in every relationship we have. Are you willing to do that? Are you going to commit to fighting fair?
Posted by asorensen 
